Monday, October 27, 2008

Dream Story


Hole Punched Moons and Missing Stars

This is a house.  This is the window and this is the little red door and these are the three and a half floors that reach up to the blue blue sky.  This is the orange couch with ugly brown stripes that lives in the den like a tiger.  It curls itself around the wall and breathes deeply but shallowly.  Hick hick hick every time someone rubs their fingers through its fur.  Hick hick hick with the small bites that each touch leaves in its wake.  It opens its eyes, foggy and baleful with old age and yawns with a wide-toothed smile that would be fearsome if it weren’t so cracked and worn with age.

This is the rug that greets your toes and tickles your heels and kisses your arches and says Welcome Welcome Welcome.  It used to say bah but the couch got really hungry a long time ago and felt neglected and went straight for the jugular, so to speak, of the shag pillows in the study.  But that was a long time ago and the grudge has long since passed, though they stay separated.  It would hurt too much for either of them to be in the same room now.  It’s just too much to ask of anyone.  So now the couch growls sometimes in its sleep and thinks of soft warm things when it dreams at night in its den and the rug counts its brothers and sisters to go to sleep each night.

This is Olivia.  This is her house.  This is her window and her little red door and her three and a half floors that scrape some of the blue off of the beautiful sky.  This is her purple hair, cut short in an awkward bob that curls at the apples of her cheeks.  This is her orange hair, long and flowing and pin straight.  It grazes against her back and creates an itch between her shoulder blades and she just reaches around with her long long arms and scratches it. 

This is Chip and this is Daniel and they live with Olivia and they are her friends.  They used to be her brothers but then something happened.  Something important that she can’t remember but it left everything in ruins except for this house.  This house with the orange door and no windows and seven floors that rip through the red sky and leave it tattered around the edges.

Chip lives in the den with the tiger and he pets it occasionally and it goes hick hick hick but he doesn’t mean to hurt it.  It’s just that sometimes he forgets.  He lives in the den with the tiger and the tan carpet that have splotches of green from the bad thing that happened that nobody can remember anymore and Daniel explained it once.  He said they were water spots, like the ones you find in the ceiling when it rains too much except that the spots are on the ground now because the water is slowly coming up from below now instead of from above.

Daniel lives in the study with a lone shag pillow and his laptop and his wire-rimmed glasses and his sweaters and he stays there until the sun goes down.  Until the red sky that’s torn in places and worn-out in others shifts and changes and fades to purple.  He gathers it in his hands and molds it and melds it and punches a hole in it—sometimes whole, sometimes half, and sometimes somewhere in between—and puts it all back up where it belongs.  Sometimes he forgets to punch a hole at all though and then the sky is very dark.

This is Olivia’s room, which is very much the same as the one she had before the bad thing but is somehow different.  Things seem less concrete now.  If she presses her hand to the wall it caves in on her hand, like those foam pillows that she played with the other day at the  mall while her parents picked out a new mattress for the guest room but they’re not here now and neither is the mattress.  She has a small bed that is pushed up against the wall and a radio and a clock that goes tick tick tick almost like the tiger downstairs but not quite.  She has two windows and she looks out of these and watches Daniel make the sky and the moon and never stars and wonders how it was things used to be.  A ringing starts in her ears and she thinks that maybe she’s thinking too hard on certain things but somebody has to now that they’re the only people left.  It stays that way for a while though and she feels out of place, like something is dragging her to the surface and now she can’t breathe and she wants to stay in this world of purple skies and hole-punched moons and tigers and sheep but then Daniel looks up from the yard and says Wake up Wake up Wake up and Olivia opens her eyes.

Dialogue

On a Staircase in a Museum in Chicago

“So what do you think?”

“About what?”

“What do you mean about what?  About the painting, of course.”

“I don’t know Elle, what do you want me to think about it?”

“Well don’t you have any opinion?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.  I like the colors.  They’re very striking.  They make me want to open up my soul and tell you absolutely everything about myself.  Things I swore I’d never share with anyone else.”

“You’re a dick, Jason.”

“They’re a bunch of clouds, Elle.  It’s just a canvas painted blue with streaks of white that blend together towards the top.”

“It’s an O’Keefe.”

“It’s a waste.  Oh don’t give me that look.”

“Care to elaborate then?”

“It’s a waste of paint, of canvas, of space, of my time.  Stop sighing, you asked me to explain.”

“I just don’t get you anymore.”

“It’s a painting.”

“It’s an O’Keefe.”

“It’s just an opinion.”

“But it’s your opinion.

“And what does that have to do with anything?”

“It has to do with everything!”

“This isn’t about the painting, is it?  Oh don’t cry.  At least not here.  Let’s just move to the side and—”

“No.  No we’re not pushing this to the side again!”

“Elle—”

“No!  You will not be embarrassed of me and you will not push our problems under the rug again.”

“Problems?  What problems are we having?  I’m sorry that I don’t like the cloud painting.  I just don’t get it.”

“You don’t get anything that I like!  That’s the problem!”

“Elle, please, calm down.  This is a museum.  People are looking.  I’m sorry.  Okay?  I’m sorry.  But I love you.  I wouldn’t have given you this ring if—”

“Let go of me.”

“I’m sorry.  What I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t have given it to you if I didn’t love you.  If I didn’t want to marry you, Elle.  I want to make this work.”

“I… I…”

“Oh, Elle, don’t do that.  Please, please don’t do that.”

“Take it back.  I can’t marry you.  I can’t do this anymore.”

“Please.”

Take it.

“I can’t believe this.  You’re leaving me because of a painting.”

“It’s an O’Keefe.”

Saturday, October 4, 2008

How to Not Fall in Love

How to Not Fall in Love

Don’t look at him.  Don’t notice the color of his eyes or the way his smile goes all crooked to the right or the really light almost invisible freckles spattered across his nose.  Don’t do this unless you absolutely positively have no other choice.  Make sure to remember this when you’re first introduced.  Looking in between the brows generally does the trick.

Don’t be friends.  Don’t find the things you have in common or count them towards your chances because everyone has things in common and everyone stands a chance if you let them.  It’s not unique.  Be sure to keep this in mind when he asks you what kind of music you like to listen to.  Just because you both like Coldplay doesn’t mean he wants to hold your hand.

Don’t give him your phone number and definitely don’t ask for his.  Don’t let the butterflies come to life in the pit of your stomach the first time his name shows up on the small screen and don’t let your voice crack when you try to nonchalantly answer with the ever popular “Hey what’s up?”.  If it comes to this point make it clear that you are and will always be busy.  The extra minutes you spend with him on the other end are not worth the nickels and dimes you shake from your old piggy bank that you keep stuffed in the back of your closet.

Don’t spend Friday nights on his couch talking about the smallest details of your mundane life when you could be out with friends.  Don’t tell him about how you feel abandoned sometimes because the people who you grow closest to seem to leave for different places and different people and don’t listen to him when he says he won’t leave you.  He doesn’t mean it the way you want him to and you can’t get back the hours of sleep you lose from thinking about those four simple words.

Don’t make him a mixtape that spells out exactly how you feel and that has all the songs from all the memorable moments the two of you have ever shared.  Don’t think he’ll appreciate or understand it or call you at two in the morning to suddenly air out the mutual feelings that have been sitting heavily in the air between you for the past few months.  They don’t exist.  At least not for him.  The only person who’ll actually listen to the mix anyway is you.

Don’t analyze every little movement at the movie theater.  His knee touching yours is not a secret code that means “I want to be with you,” and the way your knuckles graze each other when you both reach for the popcorn is only a testament to the fact that you should have bought your own bag.

Don’t cry into your pillow the night he starts seeing the girl from the math class you are both in.  Don’t imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes.  Don’t think about how their first kiss (on the front steps of the school) should have been yours while you wait impatiently to walk home with him.  Don’t let the chaos ripping through your body start to tear at your chest and don’t let the tears creep up into your eyes when he finally turns and smiles at you with the friendly grin and not the one that she always gets now.  The shuddering breaths that leak from your chest will only make it worse.

Don’t let him in on what’s got you down.  Don’t pour your heart out and let all the desperation and frustration and humiliation trickle into your voice when you tell him that this wasn’t how things were supposed to be.  Don’t let him know that your heart was his from the start because he won’t know what to do with it and he certainly can’t keep it.  Don’t tell him the feelings and thoughts that have been echoing and bouncing around the walls in your head for days weeks months years.  Don’t say it and you won’t feel it.